Can porn be safe and unthreatening in your relationship?

Many couples who come to me for therapy say pornography can be incorporated into a happy relationship without secrecy and shame but undeniably it can cause harm.    Viewing sex online has too often become a compulsion and intimacy with their partner then becomes strained or forced because of fantasies.

Not all porn watchers become addicted,  Patrick Carne’s research, a leading expert on sex addiction, “shows that sexual addiction affects three to five percent of adults, suggesting that porn use isn’t about to turn us into a country of addicts glued to their computer screens.”  https://psychotherapynetworker.org/blog/details/631/can-porn-be-a-healthy-relationship-habit?/

Porn can be incorporated into a happy relationship without secretiveness and shame when couples realise it doesn’t need to overwhelm the rest of their relationship and is a not reflection on their relationship or their partner.

Many of the couples who seek therapy because they are “turning away” from their partners bids for sexual intimacy talk about betrayal and broken trust when one partner is involved in porn without the other.    This is what they say:

10 DAMAGING EFFECTS PORN HAS ON YOUR BRAIN, SEX LIFE AND LIFE

  1. Breaks trust and relationships are built on trust
  2. Creates comparisons, unrealistic expectations on what is attractive and negatively effects your partner’s self esteem
  3. It can be taken personally, your partner can feel shocked and betrayed knowing you are fantasizing about another person
  4. It can be addictive and you withdraw from actual sexual contact
  5. Wrecks your libido, it desensitises you making it difficult to perform in real life
  6. Affects brain chemistry making it difficult to get aroused by your partner
  7. Makes regular intercourse seem boring and not exciting
  8. Trains you to either have instant gratification or erectile dysfunction when with your partner
  9. Makes it hard for you to be tender with your partner and sex can seem like too much hard work
  10. Becomes all consuming, you can withdraw and disconnect from your partner and life

Couples can rebuild trust when online porn is discovered by bringing it into the open and confronting the challenge together#www.lindataylor.com.au#

Counselling can help partners  learn how to manage conflict around this vulnerable issue and rebuild intimacy in a safe way.   One aim is to “turn towards” each other with understanding and a desire to connect without the negative pattern of attack, blame and shame.

Linda Taylor

October 2016