Frequently Asked Questions about relationship counselling

Recognising that you and your partner need to undertake relationship counselling can be confrontational, and it’s not an easy discussion to raise. I’m sure that right now your head is swimming with confusing thoughts, questions and ‘what if’s – that’s completely normal!

The important thing to remember is that all relationships have problems, and when you choose a long-term partner a set of seemingly unsolvable problems often appear over the life of the relationship. But with , new skills and practice you can build a strong, caring and loving relationship.

I’ve put together the FAQs below as so many of them are common to a lot of couples. If your question isn’t listed below, please don’t hesitate to send me a quick email or call me for a brief chat.

Starting dialogue is important, especially when you’re feeling unhappy. Yet discussing your thoughts and feelings about what is happening for you in the relationship is most certainly challenging.

It is important to avoid any attacks, criticism and negativity. Instead, explain that working together to repair the relationship has potential. Ask your partner to have a look at this site, and let them know that you are willing to book an appointment to discuss the way forward. Vitally, be positive!

Example of a negative approach: This relationship has been miserable for years. I don’t want to be like this for the rest of my life.

Example of a better approach: I really value you and this relationship, and I want to learn how to be friends again.

Working with a relationship counsellor is similar to a doctor diagnosing physical symptoms – you want the doctor to get it right. The first three sessions with me consist of thorough fact-finding.

You will both:

  • Individually complete an online comprehensive questionnaire (completely confidential)
  • Undertake a one-on-one interview with me, and
  • Join me for a joint session.

This provides me with a research-based view of how the relationship is functioning. From here, we develop a road map that is individual to your relationship, challenges and goals.

I take a practical approach to guiding couples in managing conflicts, developing friendship, intensifying intimacy and working towards shared purposes and dreams. In order to do this, we work via a research-based model (sometimes called an ‘evidence-based’ model), which lets us know what the common facets are that enable master relationships to stay together and be happy. We go through seven levels, all the while recognising that a strong relationship has two essential pillars.

In other words, it’s not all ‘airy-fairy’ talk. I provide you with:

  • Research-based methodologies to help manage conflict
  • An open dialogue around your most obstructive (and destructive) issues
  • Tools to help you manage your arguments and deal with emotions, and
  • Techniques to deepen your intimacy.


The model shows you exactly what is getting in the way of your relationship being happy, and helps us identify ways to change this. I have found that this provides hope for the couple when all seems overwhelming or doomed, and also gives me a structure in which I hold strong hope for you.

There are many reasons why couples choose relationship therapy. Some are close to separation or divorce. Others are finding certain life changes challenging, such as the merging of a new family or agreeing on an approach to parenting. Many couples lack sexual spark and intimacy – there is no singular, common problem, just as there is no ‘one size fits all’ solution.

Times when you may need to undertake therapy can include:

  • When you are committing to each other, either before marriage or a long-term commitment
  • When major changes occur in your relationship, such as having children, moving in together, a change in employment, an affair or infidelity, and loss
  • When there is little joy, and the relationship is becoming miserable
  • When there is a threat of separation or divorce
  • When intimacy has stopped, or
  • When there is neglect, abuse or severe addictions.
Sessions are all about emotional connection. You’ll learn how to create safety and more security within your relationship. I’ll coach, guide, and sometimes mediate discussions by applying tools that you will both learn over the course of therapy and which you can continue to use in the future.
The outcomes are many, including more joy, excitement, passion, interest, good sex, romance, play, fun, adventure, humour and curiosity. The underlying factor is that the building of positivity becomes a priority in your relationship and your ‘relationship bank account’ moves into the positive.
Sessions are varied based on our shared goals. We meet on a weekly basis and each session lasts between 60 and 75 minutes. The timeframe depends on the issues presented – in general,couples sessions run for between eight to 16 weeks, although some couples have taken far longer. Individual counselling sessions also vary depending on your challenges and goals.

Completion happens when you say, “What do we need a therapist for?”

Just like my background and training, my approach is unique. The building and rebuilding process requires patience and gentle intervention, so I take on the roles of educator, coach, teacher and therapist.


Most of the time is spent in partner dialogue, interacting with each other while learning the ways toward a happy, stable relationship that is less prone to divorce or separation. Problem-solving is difficult on your own; I urge partners to take ownership of problems and do something about them. When couples explore problems with understanding and kindness, insight occurs.

During relationship therapy, we cover three critical areas:

  1. Building a life together that is full of shared meaning
  2. Building and mending your friendship, love and intimacy, and
  3. Resolving relationship conflicts and preventing future conflicts from escalating.

When partners share who they are, their thoughts, their emotions and their needs, they connect. By changing dysfunctional and negative interactive patterns, regulating emotions, repairing what is broken, and building safety and trust, the couple bond and experience deep love and intimacy.

There are many options open to you, and your choices will vary depending on your challenges and goals.


  • Relationship workshops are available for you to deepen your connection and explore other areas within a relationship.


  • Marathon relationship weekends provide an intensive partner experience for couples facing serious problems and who have a limited time for resolution. The complete program is delivered in two days with the online questionnaire, face-to-face counselling and follow-up session.
  • My online program will support you as an individual within the relationship, enabling you to focus on your personal thoughts, feelings and needs. This is more of a spiritual and self-development approach.
Yes, you may be able to claim Private Health Insurance rebates, so please talk to me whenmaking a booking.
Although you may feel isolated in your relationship, the most important thing to recognize right now is that you aren’t alone.


Yes, this is a challenging time, but with the right support, guidance and tools, you can transform your relationship into something stronger and better than it once was.


Talk to me today – together, we’ll get your relationship back on track.