Being positively engaged in your partner lets them know that you value them and that you will stay close.   Couples can learn to use the language of love and build conversations that build a loving relationship house. In this relationship house there is a special kind of attention that we can only give to a loved one.  When you gaze at each other longer and touch each other more, you are being emotionally present.


The following 5 points that show you are positively engaged in your partner.  

Answering ‘Yes’ to the 5 points shows you have remained positively engaged in each other

  1. You are comfortable close and trust your partner
  2. It is easy to confide in your partner
  3. You feel connected with your partner even when apart
  4. You can take emotional risks with your partner
  5. Your partner cares about your emotions


Dr Susan Johnson,, states in her book, Hold me Tight (2008, pages 49 and 50)) that a secure attachment is necessary for a happy and lasting relationship.  She discusses three crucial conversations that are aimed at “encouraging a special kind of emotional responsiveness that is the key to lasting love for couples.”

She embraces the 5 points that show you are positively engaged in your partner as well as:

Accessibility which means stating open to your partner even when you have doubts and feel insecure.  It also means the willingness to struggle to make sense of your emotions so that these are not so overwhelming.

Responsiveness means tuning into your partner and showing that his or her emotions have an impact on you.  Sensitive responsiveness touches us emotionally and calms us on a physical level.    It means being aware of your partner’s emotional signals and that these are communicating a need for comfort and care.


Being in control of one’s thoughts, emotions and physical responses helps to restructure the mind so that you can enjoy a positive spontaneous mindset.    Each time you get angry, you make withdrawals from your individual bank account.  Criticism, contempt and blaming are also withdrawals that bankrupt your relationship bank account.

You can build a positive bank account for yourself by watching your thoughts as they become you feelings.  Then being aware of your feelings as they influence your actions.   being in control of your actions as these become your character and the character of your relationship. 

Hypnotherapy gives you the tools to focus on what you want and shift into a more positive perspective, learn more about what happens with hypnotherapy


Understanding the connection between you and your partner, and sharing how you see it, is the first step to being able to reconnect and rebuild the connection you both want and need.

Relationship therapy can help create a safe place for you both to reflect and talk about these 5 points that show you are positively engaged in your partner

Linda Taylor